Motherless Daughters -By Hope Edelman

Nature often offers metaphors more elegant than any we can manufacture, and Muir Woods is no exception. Redwoods have evolved to turn disaster into opportunity. In these coastal forests, death produces life.

This is what I mean: In the redwood ecosystem, all seeds are contained in pods called burls, tough brown clumps that grow where the mother tree’s trunk and root system meet. When the mother tree is logged, blown over, or destroyed by fire—when, in other words, she dies—the trauma stimulates the burls’ growth hormones. The seeds release, and trees sprout around her, creating the circle of daughters. The daughter trees grow by absorbing the sunlight their mother cedes to them when she dies. And they get the moisture and nutrients they need from their mother’s root system, which remains intact underground even after her leaves die. Although the daughters exist independently of their mother above ground, they continue to draw sustenance from her underneath.

I am fooling only myself when I say my mother exists now only in the photograph on my bulletin board or in the outline of my hand, or in the armful of memories I still hold tight. She lives on beneath everything I do. Her presence influenced who I was, and her absence influences who I am. Our lives are shaped as much by those who leave us as they are by those who stay. Loss is our legacy. Insight is our gift. Memory is our guide.

(as told at my friend Nikki's Mother's funeral. Please visit http://www.curesarcoma.org/)

        

Catch and Release
Originally uploaded by akafrancie

For entertainment, the kids go on "excursions" in the Anguillian bush, across the street from our house, a few times a week.
There is "Mount Everest" aka a small pile of rocks and "Scrub Island" aka a tiny part of the bushes behind the church and then there is "the end of the World" which is where the bush backs up to a dirt road".

Even though these excursions take place within a half mile radius, the kids usually take water bottles, some kind of music player, a phone and snacks.... you know, just in case.

So during these excursions, the kids tend to find every living animal that lives on this island..... (sigh)... and of course, what do they do????
Drag the poor thing home to be adopted!

What you see in the enclosed pic is the turtles they found during 4 separate trips to "Mount Everest", which were subsequently released again since we reviewed our "pet adoption policy" which clearly states that "we only take in animals that can't survive on their own".
Yeah, there was a time when the kids coming back from the bush saying "guess what we found" were much disliked words on my part

And then there's the story on how we found, saved and adopted the 4 dying chicks and how 4 turned into 3, or how Logan tells it "guess which animal can't swim"....

        

Until the day where I have the luxury of more time, I'll leave you with this cool little tidbit about a set of medalions that made a 237 year long journey and eventually ended back where they got stranded - Anguilla!

"Cultural Artifacts Returned to Anguilla

The FBI today returned more than 100 bronze medallions to the Government of Anguilla in a ceremony during the island’s 42nd national holiday, or Anguilla Day, celebrations. The medallions were presented to The Honorable Mr. Osbourne Fleming, Chief Minister, by Samuel Bryant, Jr., the FBI Legal Attaché in Bridgetown. 

One of these days, I want to tell you more about the rich history of this funny little island, as it's truly amazing and involves throwing the St Kitts' police and leadership off the island, kicking a British minister off Anguilla, a UN speach that changed the World (at least this little piece of it), a paratrooper invasion and eventual Anguilla Revolution.

Until the day where I have the luxury of more time, I'll leave you with this cool little tidbit about a set of medalions that made a 237 year long journey and eventually ended back where they got stranded - Anguilla!

“We are pleased to return these national treasures to the Government and people of Anguilla,“ said Bryant. “This is an excellent example of the enhanced international cooperation that is essential in today’s war on transnational crimes that have extended their wings across the globe.”

Samuel Bryant, Jr., FBI Legal Attaché in Bridgetown (right), presents medallions to The Honorable Mr. Osbourne Fleming, Chief Minister, Anguilla.

Through a series of investigative leads, the FBI assisted Anguillian authorities with the recovery of these religious medallions, considered to be originally the property of Franciscan friars. In the summer of 1772, these friars made their way from Spain to Mexico in the 990-ton warship El Buen Consejo. Sailing in a fleet of more than a dozen ships, the warship was one of two vessels that veered off course and ran aground off the coast of Anguilla. The remains of the shipwreck, which is of international archaeological significance, reside within Anguilla’s Marine Parks system. 

“It gives me great pleasure in communicating to the FBI our thanks and appreciation on this special occasion,” said The Honorable Mr. Fleming. “We look forward to our continued participation as the world turns.”

In addition to The Honorable Mr. Fleming, today’s event was attended by a number of dignitaries from Anguilla and neighboring islands, including: His Excellency Alistair Harrison, Governor; The Honorable Mr. Victor Banks, Minister of Finance; The Honorable Mr. Wilhelm Bourne, Attorney General; The Honorable Mr. Stanley Reid, Deputy Governor; and, Mr. Keithly Benjamin, Commissioner of Police, Royal Anguilla Police Force."

(via FBI)

        

The most interesting thing happens after a big project or conference work trip involving 12 - 16 days and being completely over-stimulated. Each time, when I get back from such a trip or get done with a project, it takes me DAYS and conscious effort to stop running around at full speed, check the Blackberry every 5 minutes and respond to any and all queries immediately. This is the "always on" mode where my brain just doesn't stop, I never stop occupying it with constant motion, thought and actions, often even past the point where that is necessary.

The internet has given us such opportunities and talking to a friend via chat last night, it can help you cope with loss or a difficult situation or it can make you feel less removed, as it does for me at times.
Internet access is the main reason I CAN somehow make a living here and out online interactions definitely can form real human bonds, sometimes with perfect strangers.
But that line between work/leisure gets blurry and too much of a good thing becomes..... well, not a good thing anymore.


(amazing sunset that lit the entire sky on fire, the first week we were in Anguilla, June 2006)

I've always enjoyed looking at any given situations from a several different perspectives, which has certainly come in handy while living here in Anguilla and being able to present a balanced positive and negative view of what life is like here.
The main reason I started blogging, Twittering etc, is to share that unique perspective and (hopefully) provide food for though, even if it's just looking at your faucet differently with your never-ending potable water.

Mix this "always on" mode, constant internet access and a desire to share a unique perspective and you have an overstimulated brain that is so noisy it's hard to hear anything significant. The danger there is that this over-stimulation becomes never ending.... almost like an addiction and ultimately, a normal state of mind.  At that point you end up creating constant input by what you do, where you go and internet activities to the point where you no longer can actually process anything significant for lack of sitting still or "thinking still", you merely wash over it and drown it with "always on".

(Having been born and raised in Switzerland) I lived in the US for 15 years before coming to Anguilla in the Fall of 2005 for a work project. Something about those few days here (in a concrete hosting center without windows) felt different. There was potential for something I hadn't truly experienced as an adult yet after my whirlwind tour of being assimilated into the American culture, language and way of life, taking care of a handicapped child and eventually going to college to graduate 9 months pregnant.

That potential... was for being still, actually evaluating situations, processing emotions and pondering one's own happiness and desires.... which ultimately leads to making changes. 


(one of the kids first trip to the beach, June 2006)

Happy Anniversary to me as next week will mark 3 years since moving to Anguilla with a few suitcases, the 4 kids, my former partner and two friends who were also "visiting for the Summer".
As a person who prides herself on being able to adjust to anything, it's been the most difficult and rewarding years of my life, filled with many losses and more raw emotions than I've ever experienced before.

I'll never forget that "everything is so different" feeling and how ill prepared we ultimately were for this "adventure".
I'll also never forget American Airlines loosing all of our suitcases for 10 days, which coincides with when I found out how difficult it is to find basic things such as clothes and bathing suits in Anguilla
The girls were just a few weeks past turning 3 and their first swim in the sea was monumental and feels likes a lifetime ago now.
My experience with "living fully" has been tough and rewarding with a steep and drama filled learning curve but the reward is being able to hear myself and being able to make choices based on that without constantly.
And, I never have to wonder if something I am involved with is right or wrong for me, 'cause when something is TRULY right, it's an un-mistakable feeling.


it.just.is

        

It all started with the below sundog or 22 halo caused by ice particles in the air...



I realize that you can't tell from the pic that the dark circle took up a significant amount of the sky and looked like a UFO landing on Anguilla from some dooms day movie. Click the pic to get more info on this oddity caused by ice crystals in the air.
Right, ice crystals in the Caribbean.

Then a few days after that we had a several glorious water spouts and an actual, real, land based tornado.
Great pics of that on my Posterous site or check out the below video of the water spouts made a few hundred yards down the street from us.

Then a few days after that we had a 4.7 quake, although I for one didn't feel anything while being completely focused on my monitor at the time that was going down...


Outside of a few broken windows, neither the quake nor the tornado did any damage. The water spout/tornado thing was really scary as it went really close to our house and almost right over the kids school, which wasn't conducive to me keeping calm.

Good thing we build only out of steel and concrete around here, eh?

        

Wow, what an awesome comment on this here neglected blog from my friend, Steve McDonagh, worthy of it's own post.

"Home is the place your heart resides
Home is the place that you decide
Home is the womb that holds the soul
Home is the place where "one" is enuff

Home is the glow you hold in your eye
Home is the emotion that makes you cry
Home is safe and a place of peace
Home is where all strivings cease

Home is protective against the others
Home is full of friends and voices
Home is where you find your rest
Home is where you feel your best

Home is a memory that follows your being
Home is a dream for those agreeing
Home is the place where reserves fall
Home is the place you yearn to call

Home is where the family meets
Home is a place of restful retreats
Home is the place you know you'll be heard
Home is the pace where nothing blurs

Home is all these wonderful things
Home is the place you develop wings
Home is the place where you are safe
Home is the place where your heart will stay"

        

Hi, remember me?
Yeah, anytime some illness makes a visit to our house, you can pretty much expect my life and blog to go on hiatus for a month, as by the time the illness has been passed around to all 5 of us, it's at least 4 weeks later. This particular version fortunately only hit the boys and me, in the order of   flu/flu/strep+flu/step+flu/flu+step-like-BS-that-wont-go-away, which is where I am now.

Be that as it may, I've noticed that pretty much anytime I make a "Part 1" post, "Part 2" never, ever happens.
Coincidence?
I think not.....
So to break this cycle, here the second part of my "story" for those of you late to the party!



Part I of this story had me moving from Switzerland to Texas and 16 years later, I was a Technologist, visiting the Caribbean island of Anguilla, as part of a project, feeling incredibly drawn to this place.
Love is a strong word I do not take lightly, and while I did feel a certain instant "love at first sight" for Anguilla, it seemed all too easy to fall in love with one of the most beautiful places on Earth, during my first trip ever of being away from 4 young kids.
So I'd call it infatuation perhaps, but not love yet, which is why I decided not to do anything about those feelings after going back to Dallas, back to work and the life we had in the US. My house that I loved with the big trees in the yard, with the trampoline and the slip and slide, and the home theater converted garage, complete with butt shakers. The trips to Target and the crazy outfit stores, the mini van and the unlimited 24/7 anything that I wanted and probably didn't need.


Secretly though, I hoped he'd call back - the manager of the hosting center in Anguilla - and sure enough, 4 months after my initial trip, in March of 2006, the phone did ring again.  This time, they wanted the region's first Blackberry server installed on an island 2 x 16 miles big, which of course, makes perfect sense.

SWEET!

So my former partner and I returned to Anguilla, this time with some added vacations days to find out if this place still felt like home or if it was just some sun-hormone-childless-honeymoon syndrome making me feel that way.
In a way it was like seeing your first big high-school love again, wondering what it'll feel like, hoping there will be some sort of reaction. And sure enough, the second I arrived in Anguilla,  I was.simply.home.

As soon as we returned to Dallas, the house, cars, furniture and everything in the house was purged, sold, given away and in early June of 2006 I arrived here with the twin girls and 6 suitcases to start our new life.  My former partner and the boys followed 2 weeks later, with a few more suitcases per. 
Part of this exercise was purging all that "crap" we had and somehow thought we needed as one of the things that attracted us to Anguilla was how little you could actually live with when focusing on the important things in life.
Here, the kids can go outside to play on their own.  They go to the beach without any toys and they invent games with shadow play, hermit crabs, ocean waves and coconuts.

So purging felt like the right thing to do at that point in our lives, when they kids were young enough to not really notice.
What a liberating experience that was and to essentially own nothing more than you could fit into a car.
Of course, owning "only" a few suitcases worth of stuff would also become (and still is) a source of great frustration, especially when organizing kids birthday parties without as much as wrapping paper or gifts, a trampoline, pinata, or slip and slide and a real baking disk to make a cake.

I remember crying one night after we got here, soon before my oldest' birthday, feeling like such a bad parent for not being able to offer the kids anything in terms of a party and putting them in this situation of nothingness.
But then you just sort of make due, just like before you knew how to drive a car - you still got around. Just like when you have your first child, are in a panic and thinking "I don't know what I am doing and am surely doing everything wrong" - and then somehow it just works and you figure it out.  Just like every other time when you're in a predicament you didn't think you could solve/get past.... if you have to, or rather - if you REALLY want to - you'll figure it out with the resources you have.

In those first few months, we'd make toys and birthday gifts for the kids out of duct tape, we'd go to what we call "Left Shoe Bay" and collect random "presents" for family members as a surprise and for Conner's birthday, we drew a treasure map on the back of a used manila envelope, burned the edges, cut it up and had a treasure hunt around the house with all the neighbourhood kids.
The grand prize?
An empty Tide clothes detergent box, modified and painted to look like a treasure chest, filled with candy, otherwise known as a "custom made pinata".  Somehow, in hint sight, I don't think any of the kids missed the trampoline or the slip-and-slide!




Hopefully, I've managed to represent this experience accurately by now and "happily ever after" is certainly not the way I'd describe it. Living here is hard work and we all sacrificed a lot and many business and personal relationships have dissolved or got damaged by us moving here. Anguilla has made it possible for me to sit still long enough to hear myself, those whispers within, which is a good thing, although it's caused a ton of hurt along the way as well.
Our "permanent indoor camping" situation is hard work and I get frustrated sometimes because of the inefficiencies of this place. Nothing about Anguilla is convenient, we loose electricity once a week or more, we have no dishwasher, no clothes dryer and no potable water and getting a work permit takes months - if you're lucky. It's also taken a lot of time, love and an insane amount of money to ensure the kids can continue to receive a most excellent education here on island and it's been even harder to make a living supporting the whole operation.

But at the end of the day, it's worth it and it's so much easier to see what exactly you work for, when living with very little.
My amazing, funny, kind, smart and creative kids are meanwhile 11, 9, 5 and 5 and while they do miss having toy stores, movie theaters or any entertainment opportunities BESIDES the beach, I do believe that experiencing this type of limited availability of both natural and consumer good as well as this type of community will ultimately help my kids change their world for the better in the future!

Repost of this, 'cause it seems to fit, just right here:

"It's the people walking along the side of the road that wave and smile at you for no real reason.

It's the constant lullaby of the waves that surrounds my house every moment, night and day.
It's the nuances of the honking cars that means hello/I'm passing you/go ahead/don't do that.
It's the offers for help as soon as you appear to need it, but before you have to ask.
It's the array of colors that are so vivid you wish you could bottle them.
And above all, is the light that shines through amazing clouds, drapes everything in gold or pink or any color of the rainbow.

I'd like to think I've always been able to identify something extraordinarily beautiful, but I don't think I have not ever been able to understand it fully before moving here.
You see, it has as much to do with the subject as it does with the WILLINGNESS of the beholder to just SEE.

Beauty is deep and rich and cannot be unfolded or explained in a few moments.
Beauty is as appealing from space as it is from a few yards away and it remains fascinating up close.
Beauty makes you lost and speechless while being with it, looking at it, studying it, talking to it.

It's the shiny peach fuzz hair on my daughter's cheek when she smiles in the sun.
It's the fortified color and clarity of the water and the rainbow above it.
It's the twinkle in my son's eye as he's about to do something he isn't supposed to.
It's the way dinner tastes when you've worked so hard to make it from scratch.
It's the way you sink into the mattress after a day of chasing children at the beach.
It's the gentle glow of the moon and the million visible stars that beam above like a protective night light.


Anguilla is stunningly beautiful - yes - but that's not it.... that's not what makes this island special after being gone for a month and a half. What is magical about this place to me is that it gives me the ability to SEE beauty in everything.... everywhere!"

        

During a recent conversation, a friend of mine planning a visit here came up with a perfect three word description of life in Anguilla. Between all the water, electricity and internet (EEK!) outages, lack of conveniences and creative ways to cope with basic needs = Permanent Indoor Camping = love it!



In other news, this article by Monica Zurowski is both extremely accurate (from a vacationers point of view) as well as entertaining and worth the read if you're into that kind of thing:

"Many people can't quite find the island on a map, let alone pronounce its name. (To say "Anguilla," just remember it rhymes with "vanilla.")

But for those who have found it, its beauty is unforgettable.

Anguilla seeps into the soul, making it a place you'll want to return to again and again during any season. Repeat visitors include actor Robert De Niro and singer Paul Simon, with other visiting celebrities including Jay-Z, Beyoncé, Jennifer Lopez, Robin Williams, Billy Crystal and Liam Neeson.

"There is a 'no' checklist in Anguilla," notes Pusching. "There are no cruise ships, no all-inclusive resorts, no fast-food outlets, no hotel chains and no attitude.

"There's nothing commercial about it," she says. "I think that's why celebrities like it. There's no one bothering them."

Example? While vacationing on the island, actor Bruce Willis was so puzzled by the way Anguillans left him alone that he eventually began asking people if they knew who he was."

        

Technology is freggin awesome! 

While in the middle of the store in Anguilla, BWI, my Blackberry started blinking. It was my friend Rob Novak from SNAPPS with a super clever idea on how to increase our school's fundraising efforts.
Within minutes, the word was out on Twitter, Facebook and blogs as snapps.com/ has agreed to match ALL ticket sales for 3 hours this afternoon.

So what cha waiting for, head over to shop.omololu-institute.com/ and buy a ticket for a great cause. You've got til 7pm EST in order to get SNAPPS to match it!

UPDATED: Via Twitter, Skype and a few Facebook updates, the Teacher Gloria Omololu Institute and SNAPPS has raised $1800 in 3 hours time!  THANK YOU, Rob for your support and idea and all those who contributed.

        

There was no way that the text message I received, saying for Kayla (my sitter) to call her Mother, stood any chance of involving good news.  Within seconds of me passing the message along, there was screaming in the kitchen - an unexpected death in Kayla's family.

Kayla is 19 and can't drive yet, so I drive her home every day and always ask for some of the kids to accompany me.  Mainly, the twins, as they stand the highest chance of getting injured while I'm out on that short 15min drive, and I'd hate to put the boys in that position if it ever happened.  Usually, getting any of the kids to go drive Kayla home involves negotiation, arguments and sometimes bribes.
In other words, they absolutely despise having to put clothes and shoes on and leaving the house for that short drive at the end of the day. 
But today, as I said "I'm taking Kayla home" all four kids silently got their shoes on and stood by the door, while both she and I stood there in awe.

Kayla's family is from Guyana with Indian roots, and they live in a small house a few miles from us. 2 bedrooms, 5 kids, 2 parents, all incredibly kind, generous and hard working. Usually, I drop her off in the yard and leave. But today, I needed to go in.

Even though it had just been a mere minutes from when Kayla got the call, by the time we got to her house, there were no less than 25 people in and around this tiny house, all part of their family in some way, all there to show their willingness to share in the pain.
About 10 men were sitting around, on the porch and yard of the house, still in their work clothes, still covered in paint or mortar or some other evidence of their day jobs. I went to shake the hand of the brother of the deceased, but he just smiled at me, nodded and told me to go inside to "the women".

As I stepped through the doorway of the tiny 8 x 10 ft living room, the air got thick and heavy, like silly putty jello you have to fight your way through. I looked around to find all the curtains in the room shut, virtually no daylight penetrating the small windows. Inside this "mourning room" were 14 Indian women, crying and sobbing, with a giant bowl of tissues in the middle of the room. No words were spoken, only tears were exchanged among these gorgeous women with dark black hair.
As I looked at each of them, stunned, the crying got louder and by the time I went to hug and kiss the two people I knew in that room, the sobbing was loud and the only words spoken were "thank you for coming".

I had never experienced such a thing.
I was speechless and in awe.
Somehow, it was amazingly beautiful.
I had never seen a family, much less a community come together to grieve like this and I was slightly envious of this extraordinary ritual.  Organized and surely predictable, with each gender doing what they surely have been shown to do for generations.
 
It made me think.....
.... how would the deceased feel about all that?
Would she find comfort in her community coming together to grieve her passing?

And then it dawned on me....
.... mourning rituals and funerals and all that stuff, truly is NOT about the dead at all, but for the survivors, as it lets us know, that when we die, the same "big event" will be put together, to mourn us.