I suppose the reason it's so hard for us to take risk, is because it could result in failure.
Letting someone into your life and loving them is so difficult, because you could lose them again.
And that just fucking hurts.



Above is the "tv cart with closet rod extensions" bird cage in it's current state and I don't think it'll change much anytime soon.
This morning I came into the house to find the door to the office, Tiny Tino's hangout,  open. It took me at least 3 minutes before my brain interpreted the situation, I just stood there, trying to make sense of the feathers, blood and guts everywhere. Interesting how the brain works during stressful situations, and I continue to be amazed at our hard wired self defense mechanisms.

The girls are devastated, especially Pickles, as she used to go "birdo" when she was sad and he would sit on her shoulder and drink her tears.  I am trying not to be furiously pissed at myself for not finishing the birdcage earlier, both the cats and the girls merely behaved as they should.  It's also hard not to feel ignorant and careless for exposing my children to this pain over and over again.
Tino is the 4th pet we've lost in the past 2.5 years.

But I suppose that's part of one of the reasons I decided to raise the kids here - to help them refine their "risk calculation" abilities in a safe environment; to provide them with situations that require creative problem solving; to give them the chance to invent stuff; to find and challenge their skills and limits and also - on occasion - to fail.

One of the hardest things as a parent is to watch your children struggle and it's sooooooo tempting to protect them and do things for them out of love, even though doing so may ultimately rob them of a learning experience. I cannot think of anything worse than sending my children out into the world with them feeling fragile and incapable and in that sense, I would rather them get to know loss and failure as kids, in this safe place, rather than to be taken by surprise by it, out there as adolescents.

Realistically, we only have a few meager years to massage the personality our kids are born with and then we have to let go, guide and trust.  And as hard as it is to watch the kids cry right now, it takes guts to feel deeply and open yourself up for failure and I am proud of them for understanding the circle of life and continuing to take risks. And so far...dealing with loss has only multiplied their capacity to love, instead of divided it.


Thank you "zookeeper" for this opportunity, we are trying hard to not feel like we let you down.
Thank you Tino for showing us bird love, I will miss you hanging out on my shoulder while I work!