Instructables: Making a Family Contract

A few years ago, when we got a new sitter, I scribbled some rules on a piece of paper, which ended up on our fridge for a long time.  We did that because she was new and didn't know what was acceptable and what was not ok to say or do in our family.

A recent uprising of the REALLY short people at our house (=the kids, I am just short), however, prompted a response similar to:
    "YOU KNOW THAT IS NOT ONE OF THE RULES OF THIS HOUSE"
.....which, in turn, made me think..... 
How exactly WOULD the kids know the RofE (Rules of Engagement), if they're not written down anywhere?
And how would they know when the rules change and get adjusted from time to time?

Enter this project - Making a Family Contract!

1. Organize a family brainstorming session
2. Ask someone to take notes
3. Capture the responses to the questions "what are your rights in this family" as well as "what are your duties in this family".  Be sure to ask both the kids and adults
4. Turn the results into a draft and present to all family members
5. Discuss and adjust your draft until everyone understands and agrees on the verbiage
6. Finalize and have everyone sign the contract


For your reference, below is ours, which works for our single parent household with an 11, a 9 and two 5 year olds, and me in a home-office:
  • I deserve to get up in the morning and start out each day anew, without grudges held against me
  • My job as a child is to try my best in school, be in charge of my backpack, lunch and homework and cooperate with my teachers
  • It is my right to be heard and treated with respect and I will do the same by using better ways to express myself than interrupting, using swear words, raising my voice or calling someone names
  • I deserve to live in nice surroundings, and will pick up after myself,  work with my family team on laundry, dishes and meals, without being asked
  • I am capable of solving problems on my own but can ask my team of siblings for help anytime. If that doesn't’t solve the issue, I can ask an adult for help
  • I am privileged to have everything I need and will not waste food, electricity, water or anything else and will help others not waste
  • I will respect Mom’s office and her work hours - this is her job
  •  Ever day is filled with the opportunity to learn something new and I will celebrate each day with joy, hugs, laughter and sometimes chocolate
  • My job as a child is to do homework, on my own, every day and turn it in to school, without being asked to do so
  • I can learn from making mistakes or getting in trouble. If I can’t figure out how to do better next time, I will talk about it with a family member, alone or in a group, until I understand
  • I will respect family time and after school hours and I will turn off the computer at dinner time and not have electronics at the dinner table
  • If I want a book and song at night, I will do my part to make that happen
  • It is my duty to point out if anyone, even adults, are breaking this family contract and I get to call a family meeting at any time, if other family members are consistently breaking this contract
Now I wish I would have thought about turning this into blog post as we were doing this as I would have been able to capture the most fun/amazing part of this - the process.
Particularly, having the negative sounding initial contract turn from "I will do this" and "I will do that" into "It is my right to...." and "I have the privilege of expecting....."

Just like in a good business contract, the point is to protect the rights and outline the duties of everyone involved in terms understood by all.  The goal being kids, that take responsibility for their actions, including calling me out, if/when I break one of the rules, such as when I am at the dinner table with my Blackberry.

What we did is print and sign several copies of our contract, one for the sitter (which also signed it, since she's in charge when I'm working), one for the house, the car and my purse.
While I'll admit it's pretty dorky to walk around with a family contract in your purse, it's worked well so far, as the kids (or I) have to sit out and re-read the contract so it could be more clearly understood.



The end result for our house is having the entire family know more about their duties and about what is expected of them.
Overall, it's lowered the overall noise level noticeably and has made it easier for everyone to work together and help each other.

Posted by Francie at 2/12/2009 9:37 PM
Categories: Anguilla, Instructables, Life, Family
 

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