Udder Chaos

Updated: Earl

Francie — Sun, 29 Aug 2010 17:46:00 GMT

The good news is that Hurricane Earl has a low chance of even reaching severity two status, which means reach 96 - 110mph winds.The bad news, is that Earl's center is going smack dab over Anguilla at some point late tonight/tomorrow morning.

We know for sure we'll loose electricity as ANGLEC turns it off in these situations to minimize damage from falling electric poles etc. No electricity for a while means no water for a while. Buckets are organized and ready to pull water out of the cistern, drinking water, bleach, dry goods and first aid kits are assembled. All electrical devices are fully charged, typically cell phone service is the last thing to go out during hurricanes.

The house is boarded up, which I actually consider to be the (hopefully) worst part of it - anticipating the hurricane in the dark, which is not conducive to remaining calm and relaxed and it bothers the kids out as well. It being 85 degrees, no AC and now having all doors and windows boarded up also isn't helping the situation and if I had to guess, I'd say that there isn't a lot of sleep in my future. At least the girls are great sleepers, hopefully they'll miss all the action.

To follow the happenings of Earl, check out this link www.nhc.noaa.gov.

I'm going to fight the mob at the grocery store now, wish me luck!

Update 8pm:

I survived the store, although there wasn't a single loaf of bread left and going shopping to the sound of windows being hammered shut isn't very comforting. But I got some flour and (tonic and limes and Excedrine) and baked bread so it's all good.

Unfortunately, Earl slowed down a bit and is gaining strength with pressure still dropping, so forecasts are now saying the eye won't pass until noon tomorrow, and by then it may be a category 3 hurricane with 111 - 130mph winds.

Good thing we got all the coconuts off the tree today, a 4 pound coconut sounds like a mighty dangerous projectile in 130 mph/210 kmh. Now back to waiting.... and watching... and waiting.... ugh....

How to be Alone

Francie — Fri, 20 Aug 2010 14:17:00 GMT

""lonely is a freedom that breathes easy and weighless"

Going Home

Francie — Tue, 17 Aug 2010 04:48:00 GMT

Tomorrow - or rather - in a few hours, our 9 long weeks of traveling over 28'000km to 9 countries is coming to an end as we finally go home.
Except "going home" seems so foreign, especially as I do it with 2 of the 4 kids I left Anguilla with back in June.
The island breeze, the smell of the ocean, the sounds I hear when I lay in bed with the window open have faded so much. We have seen and done and experienced so much it makes it hard to know what to expect "home".
I do remember how quiet it is though, how removed our "last house before Africa" is from any sort of commotion or distraction.
Somehow, I don't think we will go home to the same "last house before Africa" without the boys laughter, fights, endless scheming, goofy jokes and hilarious dancing.

Perhaps that's why we stayed gone this long, to delay the moment when we had to go home and figure out how to live without them.
Perhaps we went to so many places, hoping one would jump up and grab us so we didn't have to figure out how to make Anguilla "home" without the boys again.

It's just so easy to find distractions when you're hurting. So tempting to pretend and cover it all up with noise and stuff and activities and more noise until what needs to be dealt with is so far burried you can't even hear it anymore.

Thank God for getting older.
Like an air bubble, that the stuff you try to cover up always - always - finds it's way back to the top, except usually multiplied in it's tenacity and impact.

Going home tomorrow...

Bliss

Francie — Tue, 06 Jul 2010 11:43:41 GMT

Bliss
Originally uploaded by akafrancie

Too much going on to write properly, or even gather my thoughts in a cohesive way. Being here is interesting, some things annoying, parts of it very pleasant, some things magical. I am definitively a foreigner here, although I am getting to know other aspects of Switzerland I never knew that are providing a different perspective.

We've recently gotten a chance to travel a bit, I got to properly "meet" Vienna and yesterday we took a road trip to Germany, meeting friends and lots of laughter. Hand feeding monkeys, crossing the Bodensee by car-ferry and just playing on various playgrounds and giggling are recent highlights. We've seen lots of different animals and surroundings and I have enjoyed several concerts which are always very comfortable surroundings for me.

My favorite thing is to "see" everything through my kids eyes, for whom everything is new and different and exciting. It really is a different World for them and I am in awe of how easy they are entertained, a stick, a fountain, anything provided hours of entertainment. Watching them work together to build a damn or make a fort together is both the best and worst feeling, worst because I know what's coming as soon as we get back.
I can't imagine how they'll function apart, but somehow, I am sure they will.

Until then, we will embark on more foreign adventures and laughter, like in the picture above, which you can't help but smile at! Making every day count. In some way. What else could you possibly ask for....

Raindrops, Snails and Flip-Flops

Francie — Sat, 19 Jun 2010 20:45:32 GMT

Raindrops and Inspecting Snails
Originally uploaded by akafrancie

37 hours after leaving our house and we're in Switzerland in the house I grew up in. Feels very strange. Not home, it hasn't been that in 20 years. Just Swiss. Not even sure what that means but I intend to figure it out somehow in the next few weeks.

Til then, some funny things the kids ask and general observations about the Swiss and their (odd) ways, from a Caribbean, or at least foreign perspective.

The noises here are so different, streams of water and rain instead of waves. Birds, foxes, deer and snails instead of goats and chickens and fish. And the colours.... various shades of green, no turqouise.
Odd how cold is like pain, you can't really imagine it until you feel it. The temperatures are super cold here, 45 degrees, which for us might as well be freezing. No matter how hard I try to explain to the kids that it's cold outside, every day, they don't get it til they open a window. So every day they ask "can I put on my bathing suit and go play in the rain?"

Personal space here is "right on top of you".
"Personal space" for cars is also "right on top of you", no clue how I am going to drive here. Also, they drive on the right.
Everyone here in Switzerland moves slow, or at least slower somehow. Except when my Dad is driving.
The Swiss clean their dishes, then put them in the dishwasher and wait two hours to get them back even cleaner. Very odd.
There is a distinct code of conduct here, the way you dress, speak, what you do and when you do it. Not sure I can quantify this one yet, but have noticed myself doing it a little already. Weird.
Also, Switzerland is incredibly beautiful. Gorgeous. Meticulous. Pretty much all of it looks like a post card. Not a single piece of trash anywhere.

"Mom, why do people lock their doors here?"
"What's that noise?" (airplane)
"Why do we have to go to bed when it's light outside"
"Why can't I wear flip-flops to go shopping?"
"You can DRINK the water here???"
"Why are people so white here?"
"Is that a llama or alpaca over there by the wigwam?"
"Why do I have to wear clothes to go outside?"
"When can we go swim at the beach"

Beginnings and an Endings

Francie — Wed, 16 Jun 2010 13:54:00 GMT

This week marks the 4 year anniversary of us coming here from Texas, 2 suitcases in hand and a bucket full of naivete.

4 years ago is also when we went searching for adequate education for the 4 kids, which we somewhat found in the then frail Omololu International school which was then operating out of temporary housing, one large room with grades K - 6th.

While the school had a long history of success, it had hit some hard times and was reduced to the then "barely functional" status with about 34 student.

Since then, a group of parents, the school's founder and other community members have put our blood, sweat, tears, money and time into growing this institution with a special spirit, into a blossoming International school with 95 students in our new permanent site you see below. Many of you actually helped build it also in the form of a donation to the "Anguilla Luxury Raffle" that took place last year and for that I will forever be grateful. I wish you all could come visit, walk into that gate and feel the welcome, sense the spirit, enthusiasm and community that lives there. You would be so proud!

It's taken us almost a year to accomplish but we recently received a $450K building grant from the Windsong Foundation, which has helped us construct and move into the school site you see below.

We've hired wonderful staff, created a board, got land from the Government of Anguilla and turned Omololu into an amazing place for local, regional and foreign children on the island, including special needs kids who previously had no place to get the attention they need. Omololu does have a long history of up's and downs and I have no doubt that we're not done struggling but if anyone had told me or anyone else that this is what we would be able to accomplish and leave behind for the next generation, I would have called you insane.

The "next generation" bit is particularly heart breaking to me today, as my sons are right now spending their last few hours at Omololu. This afternoon we are leaving for Switzerland for 5 weeks on our first big family trip, our first visit to Switzerland in 6 years and our last few weeks together as a family in this configuration.

My oldest is done with 6th grade and here in Anguilla where we have the UK school system, that means he now has to go to high school, for which there is currently no feasible alternative on island. So the boys are moving back to the US with their Dad as soon as we get back from Switzerland.

I'm not entirely sure what our household is going to look and feel like. I cannot imagine life without those two. But it's the right thing to do for the boys, for their Dad, for their education and hence for us.

And if Anguilla has taught us one thing, it's adaptation, creative problem solving and resilience.

Every end is also the beginning of something new.

I don't know how the girls and I will cope without all the wild things - but we will.

The Great Equalizer

Francie — Wed, 02 Jun 2010 01:09:18 GMT

Shoal Bay
Originally uploaded by akafrancie

There's something about it.... the rhythmic noises, the steady back and forth.... in between two elements, with the waves caressing your feet.
The sand gives way to your weight as the ocean tries to draw you in further....
There's something about it - the beach - probably any beach anywhere out there, not just in Anguilla...

It requires no toys, no accessories, no suits, no armor.... we're all the same at the beach somehow and I never get tired of watching it all happen, on Sundays, at the beach.
The millionaires laughing with the fishermen, the foreigners talking to the locals, and even shy kids can't resist getting drawn into the carefree games of others. No words required, somehow, at the beach, we're all the same, no words required. With smiles on everyone's faces, open to each other and the possibilities of the day.
Just magical!

Limitations

Francie — Fri, 21 May 2010 16:14:00 GMT

Fear Based Living - Part 2

Francie — Thu, 20 May 2010 15:25:00 GMT

Let's face it, we're all afraid of something.... aging, being laid off, getting sick, being inferior, alone, dying, something... but when you take all those fears and indulge in them, bathe in them, surround yourself with thick layers of them, you get to a point where life becomes far too scary to live. I mean TRULY live or love, which includes making decisions that are sometimes risky, sometimes wrong and other times go completely against the "norm".

Realistically, if you do a good job at making fear based decisions, being in love becomes far too scary to actually attempt.
So much easier to just suffer through the shitty job and stay in the relationship you hate, and go home and drink at night so you don't really have to deal with it all. May be hard to breathe at times but somehow, that feels safe.
Those walls we build though, in the shape of alcohol, body mass, arrogance, workaholicism, make you completely inaccessible to anyone, including yourself and they eliminate any chance of open hearted interaction. Easy way to avoid getting hurt though, isn't it?

It's not just us internalizing our fears though, we get bombarded with those messages every day. The media loves that stuff and it's the first thing I notice when getting to the "civilized" World even at the airport - TV's blaring "be afraid of this! Be afraid of that! And you might as well quit while you're ahead 'cause it all sucks!" No wonder people go postal, get ulcers and resent their spouse, their job and worst of all, themselves.

But if it's one thing I know to be true, is that that sort of intentional or unintentional "cover up" operation isn't sustainable, in the long run it will come to the surface, it's only a matter of time. You may be a World champion at building walls and lying to yourself or keep yourself so tightly scheduled you don't stand a chance at ever being still and hearing the little voices within you . The universe is funny that way though, if you don't pay attention to the messages when they're whispers, they will become louder....and louder.... all the way to the "perfect shit storm" level which will undoubtedly make you sit down and have a long and hard talk with yourself.
Trust me, I know a lot about this one...

As my super smart friend said not long ago:

"Human beings aren't capable of truly keeping up shells and blocking things either in or out for too long. If you make choices that don't align with who you are or what you want, you can tell yourself you're making the right choice for a lifetime but you will never be able to find happiness, open hearted and open minded zen. It's not possible.

Nothing stays buried without it destroying you first inside and then outside.The soul won't allow things to stay buried. Our ego will fight even to the death to keep control, but eventually, one by one things in life become sacrificed just to live in denial."

If you knew you had just one more year to live, what kind of choices would you make today?

"People are never more insecure than when they become obsessed with their fears at the expense of their dreams." - Norman Cousins

Choices

Francie — Sat, 10 Apr 2010 02:27:00 GMT

What do you want?
What do you want out of life?
What do you hope to have experienced in the next few years?

"What do you want?" has got to be one of my all time favorite questions. So powerful, liberating and scary all together.
Hard to answer sometimes though, isn't it. Easy to get stuck in the status quo of daily life and play it safe without questioning.

But what is your passion? What do you crave?
Where do you go that makes you feel alive and how can you get more of that?
What do you do that makes you feel like you were meant to do just that?
How does what you get paid to do fit in that? Is there a place where all that merges?
Who makes you feel like you belong precisely wherever you happen to be?

"What do you want" implies that you get a choice in making "whatever-the-hell-you-are-passionate-about" happen.
It means that you get to pick your future.
And picking your future means that you are then responsible for it's outcome, regardless of what it all turns out to be.

But what if you're wrong? What if you change your mind one day about what you want?
What if the stars line up and don't play along or it just doesn't work out?
What if you wake up one day and where you hang your hat no longer makes you feel anything?